I kind of knew that all the bleeding and cramps were not normal, but I just figured that this was all part of the "monthly curse" and I tried my best to forget all about it. It wasn't until the pain started coming aside from my period that I realized that it was something more than bad periods. I went to my family doctor to try to figure out what was giving me the sharp, hard pains on the lower, left side of my stomach. The doctor told me that it was all in my head and that there was no way I could be in the amount of pain I said I was in. As much as that hurt, the best explanation for my pain was that I had bad nerves. There was nothing wrong with my nerves other than the fact that I was in constant pain almost everyday and no one knew what was wrong with me.

In the middle of ninth grade, when I was 14, the pain was getting worse by the day. There were days that I couldn't sit, stand, or lie down. We decided to go to the only other doctor in town. His explanation was that I had menstrual cramps. Now, the funny thing about that was that while I was bleeding every two weeks for ten days, this was one of the days that I wasn't on my period. So much for the menstrual cramp theory, I did not know that you can have them when you are not menstruating.

By the start of tenth grade, the pain was still getting worse. In the first month of school, I spent most of my time in bed because even breathing caused the pain to get stronger. My mother and father finally decided that enough was enough. I had spent so much time in emergency rooms and doctors offices that it wasn't even funny anymore. Something had to be done.

We went back to m family doctor and told hm to send me to see a specialist. He reluctantly agreed and the next day I was being sent to see a gynecologist. I am sure you all remember your first visit. I was so nervous and felt out of place in the waiting room among the middle-aged and pregnant women that occupied it. The doctor was one of the kindest people I have ever met. He made me feel so comfortable and he actually listened to what I was saying. He decided to perform a laparoscopy to see what was going on and it was set for the following week.

That first lap showed no endo, however, my gyn was certain that I did have it and he was just unable to see it at the time of surgery. He prescribed some birth control pills and told me to come back if I had more pain. Needless to say, I did end up having pain and I found myself back in his office once again. He did another lap 3 months into the school year of 11^th grade. This time he found endo everywhere and removed everything that he could see. He also changed the birth control pills to a different, stronger type.

Since my endo diagnosis, I've had two other laps, with the removal of endo and adhesions both times. I was on continuous birth control pills and they caused me to bleed constantly for 11 months. That all happened in my last year of high school, talk about stress for graduation. My last lap was 2 weeks before the actual graduation ceremony and the bleeding went on during the whole school year. During my first year of college, I went though 3 out of the 6 months of lupron. I had to stop 3 months into it because of the heavy bleeding that I had the whole time I was on it and the extreme pain that accompanied it. Lupron was not working for me at all, it did not help with the endo one bit. After the lupron, I had a laparotomy to remove the endo and more adhesions that had come with the previous 4 laps. I was so full of endo and my ovaries had that much on them that my doc wanted to take them, but with my being 18, he changed his mind and cleared as much endo as he could.

After the laparotomy, I did considerably well and was pain free for almost 5 months, however it did start to return. While the surgery helped me for a while, when the pain came back, it made up for lost time. After Christmas of my second year of college, I was in so much pain that I was passing out and unable to walk because of the sharp pain I would get when I put my foot down. There were a good many nights in which I crawled up the stairs to my room because the pain was just too bad to lift my legs.

I went back in to see my gyn and he said that he didn?t know what he could do for me. I was quite vocal in what I wanted. I wanted a life without pain, a life in which this disease did not rule what I did everyday. I wanted a hysterectomy and I wanted it then. I had always told him that, from day one when I had my endo diagnosis, but he always said that it would never happen. However, after seeing how much pain I was in and agreeing that this was really affecting the quality of my life, he sent me to get a second opinion on the whole matter. This other gyn gave me some options; have a more advanced laser laparoscopy, have another laparotomy and cut some of the nerves that send pain signals (psn) or have a total hysterectomy with removal of both ovaries (tah/bso). He said that he thought the only option for me would that would help in the long run would be the tah/bso. No other surgery had helped me and it was only a matter of weeks before the pain was back again. Even the lupron, one of the approved endo drugs, did nothing to help.

About a week after that second opinion, I went back to see my gyn to discuss the options that was given me and where we would go from there. He agreed with the other doc in that the first two options, the lap and laparotomy would not be the best way to go. If I wanted to really have children down the road, he would go ahead and do that, but there was no guarantee that I would ever have kids and that the surgeries would probably only last a few months and I would be back where I was again. I was looking for a more permeant solution. He said that there was no guarantee with the hysterectomy either but he thought that it would be the one to help me. That was what I wanted to hear. I was ready to stop the endo from controlling my life and ready to live it for the first time since I was 12. My parents and the rest of our family had to agree with me. Everyone wanted to see me out of pain. My mother and I told the doc that we wanted to go ahead with the surgery.

On May 2, 2002, less than a year after the laparotomy, I had my tah/bso at the age of 19. I came through with flying colors, in fact when I got up to my room I told my mother that it was a piece of cake and gave her the thumbs up signal. The surgery itself was nothing compared to the pain I experienced for 7 years. That day, I promised myself that I would never take pain free days for granted again nor would I ever look back on my battle with endo with regret. Sure, I regret having to go though the pain, but my experience with endo helped shape me into the person I am today. I've met so many great people and learned so much from living with endo and I would not trade those friendships and life's lessons for anything.

I would love to end on the happy note that I am totally pain free, but 3 and a half years after the hysterectomy, I am still having pain. I've recently been diagnosed with abdominal and bowel adhesions that have been the result from the 6 surgeries on my abdominal area. However, I would not go back and change what I did. Two years after my hysterectomy, I had another laparoscopy because adhesions had wrapped themselves around my appendix. My appendix was removed, adhesions were removed and the endo they found growing again was also removed. While I am still struggling with endometriosis, I don't regret my decision to have the hysterectomy at all. While it was drastic, the hysterectomy gave me my life back and for the first 6 months post op, I had no pain at all. That was indescribable, waking up in the morning and going to bed at night without any pain at all was so amazing and I would not change that for the world.

Just want to add a note, a hysterectomy is a not a cure and I went to hell and back trying to decide if that was the way I wanted to go.  I reasearched my heart out and did not take that decision lightly.  It was and still is the biggest decision I ever had to make.  I know know that if I want children, I'll adopt overseas where they are children that need me to be their Mommy.  At least now, I can care for them like they deserve to be cared for.  I don't have to pop demerol just to be able to get out of bed in the morning nor do I have to crawl up the stairs. 

I hope that by reading my story, it shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Just remember that everyone is different and what works for one won't work for the other.  Also, its your body so make sure you stand up for what you believe.